Back to Hogwarts
by technophobe12
Summary: This picks up after the seventh book. All of your favourite characters have to go back to Hogwarts after winning the great war to complete their NEWTs. Who knows what mischief they'll get up to when they all meet up without Voldemort to worry about?
1. Chapter 1

The Return

Almost three months had passed since the victorious battle that killed Lord Voldemort. Harry, Ron and Hermione-The Golden trio-had spent their time since the battle in between recuperating at the Burrow surrounded by the loving Weasley family and refurbishing Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

Despite what they had all been through, they still wanted to fulfil their desired prospects. Harry and Ron both dreamed of becoming the best Aurors in the Ministry of Magic while Hermione dreamed of becoming the first female Minister of Magic. However, vanquishing the Dark Lord was not enough for them to achieve such careers. The only way to venture towards their career paths was with formal qualifications; they had to complete their final N.E.W.T exams.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck! Where the fuck is my potions book?" yelled Harry from Sirius's old room on the highest floor.

Ron and Hermione, who had taken to walking arms over one another's shoulder's everywhere they went only separating when dressing and defecating, approached Harry who was practically turning his room upside-down looking for his lost potions book.

"I don't know, Harry. You seem to be having a hard time looking for it," said Ron.

"Oh, no shit, Sherlock! Would it seriously kill you to not be a 'Captain Obvious' all the time?" Harry replied throwing papers and socks and shoes and books into the air in a bid to find his old potions book.

"Perhaps you left it at your aunt and uncle's house before we left with everyone else on your birthday last year."

Harry paused in his steps and stared deep in anguished thought. "Oh no. No, oh please no."

"Oh, Harry, you silly billy," Ron chuckled beaming at Hermione.

"What did you just call me?" asked Harry, fuming.

"I-err, a sil-"

"Listen, I'm very happy that after almost seven years you guys finally got over your sexual frustration and have since found happiness with each other but if you don't cut that cutesy-wutesy language that I've had to put up with since for any longer I will make it so that you, Ron, wake up tomorrow morning hung upside-down by your balls!"

"Eeep," Ron whimpered.

"Hermione, uh-"

"I think you may find, Harry, that society forbids you to make any threat against me given that I am a woman," said Hermione.

"Shut up," was all he could think of to say in reply.

"Well, Harry, if your book is at your aunt and uncle's house," she continued, "chances are that they've probably gotten rid of it along with the rest of your belongings that you left behind. I think we ought to take another trip to Diagon Alley and make sure we all get everything we need."

"That's just you isn't it," said Ron beaming at her and hugging her closer towards him, "full of good ideas. That's why I love you."

"I love you too, my Ron," replied Hermione as they both rubbed noses together while Harry motioned a gun shooting him in his head with his hand.

The trio then went to the basement kitchen to inform Kreacher. "We'll be back before dark," said Harry.

"How's Winky going?" asked Ron.

"I managed to clean her up a little after she drank almost all the spirits she found in the wall covered by a painting in my mistress's room and she's sleeping it off now," Kreacher replied.

"Oh, the poor thing," gasped Hermione.

"She has been a wreck since Dobby died," said Kreacher in his grave bullfrog voice.

"It's mighty strange to be looking after her after not hearing about her in years," commented Ron. "I just assumed she had drunk herself to death like everyone else did."

"It's ironic that Aberforth had been looking after her all along with Dobby these past few years," said Hermione.

"Why is that so ironic?" asked Ron.

"Because she would have been staying in a bar," she paused, "surrounded by alcohol, Ron, come on."

"What's even more ironic is that she managed to come clean while she was staying there," said Harry and all four nodded in agreement.

"Only to relapse after hearing of Dobby's death. Oh the irony," said Ron.

"That's not ironic," said Kreacher.

"How?"

"Christ, Ron, and you want to be an Auror?" said Harry.

"Leave him alone, Harry, only I can call him names," said Hermione again beaming at Ron.

"I love it when you call me names, babe-"

"Okay! Can we disparate now?" said Harry.

After a few hours, when the three best friends had bought everything they needed and decided to wind down in the Leaky Cauldron, they ran into their old Gryffindor Quidditch team captain Oliver Wood.

"Oliver, we haven't seen you since the battle. How have you been?"

Oliver sat at their table opposite Hermione and Ron and next to Harry who was drinking heavily to distract him from the coddling and nuzzling going on opposite him.

"So, Oliver," he slurred, "How did that thing you had going with Angelina Johnson go?"

"Uh, we called it quits when I found out that she thought _Star Wars_ was a better sci-fi trilogy than _Back to the Future_. I mean, I watched Star Wars a few months ago and all I liked about it was Chewbacca. Angie and I started falling out when I fell asleep in that scene where Darth Vader tells Luke Skywalker that he's his father."

"Well that's fucking marvellous," said Harry after a long pause between them all.

"Have you guys heard the news?" asked Oliver.

"What news?" said Hermione.

"That a whole heap of ex-students are coming back next year," said Oliver.

"Well, duh, of course we knew that," said Harry, "We're three of them, you douche," he chuckled.

"Forgive him, Oliver," said Hermione, "he's had a bit to drink."

"I'm not talking about the muggle-borns and people who missed out last year because of the war," said Oliver, "I'm talking about this teaching programme that Hogwarts has adopted."

"What the bloody hell are you on about, Woody," said Harry, still chuckling.

"A few ex-students have been invited to teach a few subjects this year and some are coming as guidance counsellors. I'm coming as a Quidditch teacher," Oliver explained.

"Do you really miss Hogwarts that much?" asked Ron.

"A bit, but we'll all be getting paid good money and free food and board. Who would pass that up?"

"Do you know anyone else who is going on that programme?" asked Hermione.

"Katie Bell will be there and Alicia Spinnet. Not Angelina, thank god. Ebenezer Hillforth, he was the captain of Slytherin that first game you played, Harry."

"The bastard," murmured Harry and took a swig of Firewhiskey from his glass.

"…and one last girl called Chang, Cho Chang. That's her name."

At the mention of her name Harry choked on his drink and went into a coughing fit.

"Easy, Harry," said Oliver patting him on the back. "Those are the only ones I remember off the top of my head, though," he said. "I think one of them is related to McGonagall. Her nephew or something."

"Well," began Hermione smirking at Harry, "There will certainly be a bit of drama for us all this year."

"By the way," said Oliver to Harry, "What happened to you and Ginny? I heard it's over or something."

"She said she wanted a break," said Harry, "It is _not _over."

"Okay, Harry, easy does it," said Oliver.

"Ginny has gone to live in my Aunty Muriel's seaside cottage in France for the next few months. She inherited it after she died," explained Ron.

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Oliver.

"To be honest it was a huge relief for all of us. Stupid old bat-"

"Ron, don't say that about your aunt, that's horrible," shrieked Hermione.

"Easy for you to say, you never had to put up with her for as long as I did."

"Oh, really, Ron…."

As the happy couple continued to argue, Harry could only think about the year ahead of him and the train to Hogwarts he was to catch in two weeks.


	2. McGonagall's Address

Chapter Two: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

It wasn't until Harry, Ron and Hermione reached Hogwarts and had sat down in the Great Hall that they took notice of the people around them. A night of excess drinking had left Harry hung-over wearing an eye mask and drinking aspirin and Berocca mixtures for the entire train journey while Ron and Hermione only had eyes for each other, much to Harry's dismay.

Now that they had reached the Great Hall, Harry, Ron and Hermione took the time to take in their surroundings. Seated around them were their old friends. Seamus, Neville and Dean were sitting across from the trio staring at the naked picture Dean had of Luna.

The Patil twins giggled, "Hello, Harry," as they walked past the trio arm in arm. Lavender Brown was sitting further up the table comforting Colin Creevy's younger brother who had been depressed ever since his older brother's death in the battle against the Death Eaters.

Harry's gaze went towards the other side of the hall at the Slytherin table and fell upon a silent, gaunt-looking figure with white hair seated at the top of the table.

"Oi, Ron, Hermione," Harry began, "is that who I think it is?"

"Can't be," said Ron, "They wouldn't let him back in, would they?"

"I don't know," said Harry.

"His parents could have pulled some strings, maybe."

"Ron, you twat, his parents are in Azkaban, remember? With all the other Death Eaters?" snapped Hermione.

"I wish you guys wouldn't tease me all the time," sighed Ron in reply.

"We wouldn't have to if you actually used that thing in your head," said Harry.

"What thing?" asked Ron.

"Jesus Christ," said Harry, turning away.

Harry's gaze then drifted to a new table that had been added to the back of the room to accommodate for the ex-students. As well as all the people Oliver Wood had mentioned before in the Leaky Cauldron, Harry saw Lee Jordan making the people near him burst out laughing at one of their jokes. On the other side of that table Harry saw a beautiful figure giggling with friends as she tossed her long straight black hair back and his mouth dropped open.

"Cho," he whispered to himself.

"Wha id oo ay, 'Arry?" asked Ron, distracting Harry.

"Bloody nothing, Ron, now leave me alone," he snapped. When he went to resume his gaze on Cho he was startled to find that she was smiling at him to which he forced a shy smile and turned his back on her, red-faced.

"So, Dean," Hermione began, "When did you get the courage to ask Luna out?"

Dean chuckled, "When we rooted at Bill and Fleur's," and high-fived Seamus.

"Oh my god! How?" said Ron, stunned.

"What do you mean 'how'?" said Dean.

"I meant, without anyone noticing?"

"Well, you guys were with that goblin devising some plan I couldn't give a rat's arse about and Bill and Fleur were either cleaning or complaining to one another," Dean explained. "We managed to find a nook in the cliffs."

"Oh, well, that's nice to know," said Hermione, sarcastically. "I still think it's strange that in the space of three months, Luna managed to grow half a foot taller and two bra cup sizes larger."

"Maybe Dean had something to do with it," said Seamus.

"So, Neville, how have you been since the battle," asked Harry, "What have you been doing lately?"

"Well," Neville began "Grandma used the money I made from all the press coverage to buy a nice house for us both in Soho in London where even she looks normal surrounded by all of the weird fashion types. She put the rest in the bank and put a hex on it so I can't touch it unless I get at least ninety per cent in my N.E.W.T exams."

"Mate, you do realise that when you're over seventeen you can do whatever the hell you want with _your _money," said Harry.

"This is my Grandma we're talking about," Neville replied.

Seamus, Dean, Harry, Ron and Hermione all said, "Oh," in unison.

"Attention everyone," said a figure standing at the middle of the teacher's table. "May I have your attention please?"

The entire hall fell silent.

"As you all know, I, Professor McGonagall, have been teaching at this school for a long time now. Longer than I am comfortable to tell and it is with great duty that after all of these years, the Ministry of Magic has appointed me Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

A cheer erupted from the Gryffindor table while the rest of the school applauded politely.

"I would also like to introduce the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Lolotia Dagembot."

The Great Hall applauded politely as a young looking women, nay, young in comparrison to the rest of the teachers sitting next to her, waved happily and flicked her long red her behind her.

"Now, before we get to sort the first year students into their houses, I feel it necessary to outline some new rules and changes in this school. As you may have noticed, there is an extra table situated at the back of the hall at which many ex-students from this school are seated, some you may recognise. These students have been invited to spend the year at Hogwarts either assisting teachers, teaching Quidditch or providing emotional support as guidance counsellors. Please accommodate for these students and treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve. Please don't hesitate to approach them at any time for any reason."

A chorus of murmurs swept throughout the hall until they were silenced by Professor McGonagall.

"There are also a few new rules that I must outline; first of all, returning students who missed out last year due to the Great War, particularly all those who are of age, are still to abide by Hogwarts policy, meaning, no alcohol drinking, no tobacco, no coming and leaving whenever you wish. You are to abide by the same rules as every other Hogwarts student here.

"Also, due to the disruption of last year's war, the entire Slytherin house are to be monitored twenty-four hours a day to avoid a retaliation or follow-up attack. I don't care how violating it is. If only you didn't all have evil in you."

This announcement attracted a few insults and screams of protests from the entire Slytherin table while the rest of the school jeered at them. Draco Malfoy, however, remained in the same position he had been in for the entire night seated at the front of the table, hands folded in his lap and staring straight ahead of him.

"Silence," cried McGonagall, "Now there is one final rule that I must enforce. Because of the high number of returning students Hogwarts have acquired it is without choice that any student achieving an average of below fifty per cent in their studies at any time of the year will be sent home and shall not be able to return until the beginning of the next year when they will have to come back and repeat."

This announcement didn't attract quite as much commotion as the last one however many students had paled over and frozen in their seats, including Hermione.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Hermione?" asked Dean.

"I'm going to be under more pressure this year," she wailed.

"You know for a smart girl," said Seamus, "you really are quite dumb."

"I look forward to an exciting and safe year in this Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and may you all grow into fine young witches and wizards," said Professor McGonagall and the entire school watched the first-years get sorted by the hat and devoured a hot, warming meal thinking the entire time about the year ahead.


	3. Classes

Chapter 3: Classes

The very next day, after breakfast, the entire school attended classes, many of which were assisted by the returning ex-students.

The entire seventh year had been broken up into two separate classes. One class was for the standard seventh years all a year younger than Harry, Ron and Hermione, while the repeating seventh years were all put together in the same class. To make it easier, this class was referred to as the 'Repeater Class'.

The Repeater class then made their way to the dungeon for potions, still taught by Professor Slughorn and assisted by Ebenezer Hillforth.

"Hermione, Harry, Ron," said Slughorn with glee and pulled them all into a hug. "The last time I saw you guys, you were all fighting for your lives."

"So nice of you to bring that up," murmured Harry.

Once the entire class had settled down, Slughorn introduced Hillforth to the class. Once they all got a closer look at him, his features seemed to stand out more; his proportionately large teeth, his mono brow, his pale skin, his dark hair and dark brown eyes. He could have been good looking, if it weren't for his teeth.

However, later into the lesson, Hillforth's personality showed through and it was not taken too well.

While the class were concocting their amnesia potions, he barked at Neville for applying too much badgerweed and the only person he actually spoke to was Draco Malfoy, who only replied to Hillforth out of politeness it seemed.

Their next class however was a little different to their normal classes. Given the effects of the war and all of the loss, the Ministry saw it fit to provide emotional support classes to help people get through. This class was conducted by Katie Wood, Alicia Spinnet and a stunningly handsome man no one had recognised before.

After Katie and Alicia made their introductions to the class, the young man introduced himself as Wallace Humperdink which attracted a few chuckles from the boys in the back row.

He continued, "As you may have realised, I am Professor McGonagall's nephew, but don't let that fool you," he joked which was met with giggles from the girls in the front row. "And for those who didn't recognise my accent, I had lived in Australia my entire life before my aunt invited me to spend my GAP year working here at Hogwarts. I was born and raised in Alice Springs which is a little town right in the heart of Australia. All the sun there gave me this tan, as you can see," at that all of the girls in the room sighed except for Hermione who raised her hand.

"You got a question there love?" said Wallace.

"Yes, Mr Humperdink," at this there were more giggles.

"Please, call me Wal," he said, ignoring the chuckling.

"I was wondering what the point of your story is. More so, the point of this class."

"Well, this is kind of like a support network," he explained. "If you feel it's all getting too much for you this class is here for you to vent and discuss your problems with your peers."

"I have a problem, err, Wal," she said.

"What's that, love?"

"That's completely stupid. I mean, there are some people in this class I wouldn't dream of talking to about my problems," Hermione proclaimed.

"Maybe that's the problem," said Wal.

"Beg yours?" said Hermione.

"You guys need to get over that barrier that's stopping you from speaking to one another about your problems," said Wal, "I think that's something you should start off from. Is there anyone here you find particularly annoying."

Hermione was quite taken aback by this. "Well, err," she began, scanning the room, "Lavender. Lavender Brown."

"What?" she shrieked. "How dare you!"

"Now, now," Wal interjected, "Now why do you seem bothered by Miss Brown?"

"Well, she used to go out with my boyfriend, Ron, here about eighteen months ago and ever since Ron and I got together she has been setting out to take him away from me."

"No, I haven't," she said.

"What about that thousand dollar broom you gave him 'just because' and that potion you sneaked into his Butterbeer?"

"So it was Lavender," said Ron.

"Oh my god, how does a dumbarse like this get two girls fighting over him?" said Seamus.

After an hour had passed and the bell was about to ring for lunch, Lavender and Hermione ended up seated next to each other in an embrace, with tears streaming down their cheeks. "I'm so sorry about that time I told Zacharias Smith that you had crabs," said Hermione.

"And I'm so sorry for telling everyone that you blew Harry at the last ever Quidditch match he played during half time," Lavender sobbed.

"See," said Wal, "Now there's no baggage between you guys anymore."

The entire female body of the class were smiling with joy while the males watched, horrified.

At the end of the day, when everyone had gone to bed, Harry lay awake dreading the day ahead of him.


End file.
